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Davis Square Snarkarama

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biatchy advice [Jan. 28th, 2011|02:56 pm]
Davis Square Snarkarama

davis_snark

[smoterh]
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Isn't it grand when someone responds to a genuine plea for help from a concerned parent with some self rightous advice about what their kid should be or shouldn't be able to do, especially without any background knowledge about the OP situation?  And no, wheeiminvisible, your advice is not what the OP was looking  for.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: freedmam
2011-01-28 09:03 pm (UTC)
It's grand.
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[User Picture]From: ifotismeni
2011-01-28 09:09 pm (UTC)
fwiw i had the same reaction as the person being snarked here (i didn't post anything in the thread because, well, who gives a shit what i think)
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[User Picture]From: smoterh
2011-01-28 09:19 pm (UTC)
maybe i'm being to sensitive, but imho telling someone that their kid is somehow not adequate for doing (or not doing something) is kind of an asshole move, especially when you later find out that a kid has some disabilities.
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[User Picture]From: ifotismeni
2011-01-28 09:48 pm (UTC)
possibly. it still seems rather helicopter parent-y to me, it's just how it comes across i think, but i realize i am very likely being a giant asshole. hence me not commenting on the OP, lol
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[User Picture]From: sparkgrrl658
2011-01-29 12:33 am (UTC)
it probably comes across that way since the OP wrote "I know I'm sounding like the "helicopter" parent."

lol.

srsly i think everyone was just like tl;dr but commented here anyway :p
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[User Picture]From: jamiesquared
2011-01-29 12:35 am (UTC)
What is a helicopter parent? Someone who hovers?
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[User Picture]From: bombardiette
2011-01-29 01:06 am (UTC)
Someone who hovers, schedules their child's entire life and never lets them learn or fend for themselves.
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[User Picture]From: ron_newman
2011-01-29 04:44 am (UTC)
The opposite of this lady.

Edited at 2011-01-29 04:44 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: bombardiette
2011-01-29 05:46 am (UTC)
Ah, no. Not quite, Ron.
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[User Picture]From: en_ki
2011-01-28 10:12 pm (UTC)
So it's a problem now to tell people they should be able to do basic things?
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[User Picture]From: sparkgrrl658
2011-01-28 11:34 pm (UTC)
i think it's totally okay to do this sometimes.

for example, to tell a poster to call 311. but if the poster said in the initial entry, "i called 311, however [it was insufficient in answering my question for reasonable excuse listed here]" it just makes you look like the jerk, which is where i think we were with this.
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[User Picture]From: en_ki
2011-01-29 12:16 am (UTC)
The poster

- did not give the impression of trying things a person of ordinary resourcefulness would try, and
- was doing this for their adult child, rather than the student doing it themselves.

Totally different situation.

The worst-case plausible scenario here is the kid fails the class. I've failed a class, it's survivable, and it's worth learning that (a) it's survivable and (b) it's avoidable through one's own resources. The post and comments gave me the strong impression that the kid and the parent are both in a panic and in danger of not learning either lesson.

I did my best to give them a useful answer anyway, but I don't think it's out of line to drop the hint that, by sophomore year in college, a parent's job is not to Solve The Problem but rather to offer comfort and advice and let the kid learn to solve the problem.

I realize that when we see someone on the internet we're seeing them through the narrow lens of a few comments, and I did my best to give them useful advice, but they're not coming across as adults who made an effort and were stymied: they're coming across as a kid crying to mommy and mommy not stopping to think that the kid needs to grow up.
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[User Picture]From: sparkgrrl658
2011-01-29 12:31 am (UTC)
from the original post:

...he's tried the tutoring services at his school and they don't have anyone available to help with this particular class...

He does have the name of one person who is willing to help, but he's also a student, not an official "tutor", and also has time constraints/schedule conflicts, etc.


so, he exhausted the options his school offered him, and also looked outside of those resources and was able to find someone but wanted a backup plan due to common restrictions with school, life, etc.

honestly, i don't see why that doesn't fall under "trying things a person of ordinary resourcefulness would try" AND were things the kid did for himself, in addition to checking out some online stuff. (but it sounds like he was likely pointed to written things.)

failing a class is survivable, yeah, but it's something you should try to avoid at all costs. and failing a class in college costs money. sometimes a lot of money. sometimes it means your entire path gets fucked up and you won't graduate on time and that costs even MORE money. and especially if a parent (like most are) is footing any part of the bill, you better believe i'd do my damndest to make sure my kid got through that class.

i wasn't harping on you in particular, but it's just that really, you don't need livejournal communities for ANYTHING. you don't. but it's there, it's a resource. so i just find it strange which posts people choose to prove this with.
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[User Picture]From: junesrose
2011-01-29 07:47 am (UTC)
why is it you're the only one that seems to "get it"?

thanks again...I owe you....maybe I can lend you my snark-tiara.

:D
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[User Picture]From: sparkgrrl658
2011-01-29 08:22 pm (UTC)
sometimes i feel like i'm reading a different post than everyone else, and my brain nearly pops open :p
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[User Picture]From: junesrose
2011-01-29 08:01 am (UTC)
Thanks for your comment, and snark, in defending me, I'm honored, lol.

I knew I would get lambasted for this, but really didn't want to get into personal info about my son, and his issues, so I just put a general post out there.

I sort of laughed at the original comment cause well, this child is my first, but I've got two others and I dont need child rearing advice from a god-knows-how-old person, probably without any kids herself.

In all fairness to her, she did apologize.

And to be fair to my son, he DID NOT ASK ME FOR HELP. I'm very sensitive to his disability so I reacted, and in his frustration with the class, and the fact that his classmates are also having a hard time with this class, I got upset, and went into Mama-bear mode. I'd love to talk to this chick 20 yrs from now and see what she'd do in the same situation, lol.

Luckily, he did manage to find a resource for help on his own, so I'm proud of him for that. But in the interim, I've discovered a lot about 3d modelng that I didn't know, so that's a plus.

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[User Picture]From: bombardiette
2011-01-29 01:06 am (UTC)
I did too. But I refrained because I figured it would offend someone's delicate sensibilities since everything does these days.
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[User Picture]From: sparkgrrl658
2011-01-28 11:31 pm (UTC)
well, looks like they deleted their comment & apologized to the OP anyhow.

i think it also comes from a place of, once upon time watching requests from college kids or parents pile up wanting our "opinions" on things when it wasn't a journalism project, and was stuff they should know how to use a freaking library for.

in this case i was sensitive to the OP because i happen to have personal experience with her predicament, but i can see how others without that viewpoint would react the way they did.

still, i find it in general condescending and annoying when an OP will make the effort to explain which avenues they've already exhausted, and then some holier-than-thou sounding commenter will suggest those same things as solutions all the while implying the people needing the help are incompetent in some way.
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